Keep Flowing

It’s Valentines. That is why, like our heart, I entitled this entry “Keep Flowing”. Originally, I wanted to name it “Expand and Collapse” but it is not lungs day but hearts day hehe.

It has been quite a long time since I have written in my blog.

Pregnancy has kept me inside the house, so there’s not much activity though I revel in being able to read and re-read books. I keep a balance of personal development books and fiction. For personal development books, I read books of Max Lucado, Joel Osteen, the “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series, and Chinkee Tan. For fiction, I finished reading “Les Miserables”, “To Kill A Hummingbird” and “The Hunger Games” trilogy. So pretty good, I may say, as I have missed reading books especially fiction. I also read a book (a textbook of my husband, actually) on pregnancy and childcare. Though the child birth part has made me stressed a bit due to the details, so I skipped that one.

Being pregnant has made me ever aware of my capacities and limitations. I am blessed that my husband allowed me to stay at home and not work during this time. My first trimester was quite difficult with me not being able to eat most food. I do not throw up (save for two to three times) but I have no appetite for most anything, thus I lost a lot of weight and had no energy to do things even the simplest chores. I practically slept most of the day.

For second trimester, I felt better, I was able to go out again -- met with friends, run a few errands like paperwork, go to the market or bank by myself, go on dates with my husband. I also enjoyed cooking at home, trying out different dishes, mostly pasta, and chicken dishes since I try to avoid pork and beef nowadays, with exception during Christmas time with all those gatherings. Speaking of Christmas, we celebrated our first Christmas as a couple with our families, attended the family reunion on my side, and attended a wedding, so it was really fun!

Now on my third trimester, I experienced back pains and recently had minimal spotting. As I have observed, the spotting happened after I go out of the house. We did go buy stuff for the baby, and met a few friends. So the doctor gave me medication and advised me to have bed rest. It was a bit boring, and the medicine again made me sleepy. Also, no cooking for almost two weeks, and that made me a bit sad, not being able to serve my husband. But it was necessary for the good of the baby, so I rested. She (yes, a baby girl!) will be coming out in a month or less, so we are excited!

This whole experience made me realize that we should be flexible enough. Expanding when we need to, “collapsing” or relaxing when needed. Just do what is necessary but keep flowing.

“Expanding our capacity” is a term I got from a prayer book called “Miracle Hour” by Linda Schuller. In the prayer, it asks the Holy Spirit to expand our capacity – in doing, in loving. Sometimes it’s our own mental limitations that keep us from doing things. But if we pray for it, and we believe we can do more with the help of God, we really can! I experienced that too when I was called to church leadership a few years back. I was afraid. But since I prayed for it, and God gave me a go signal (through a Bible verse), I was able to do it, and I truly learned from that experience. Same now, I did my best to do as much during my second trimester, running errands and doing chores.

Collapsing or relaxing, allowing ourselves to just rest when needs be is also needed, especially when our bodies gives us signals. I used to hate being sick, still do a bit, but I learned to accept that ample rest always work. In fact, when I allow myself to rest, I noticed I usually make it up by doing things I usually procrastinate about. Like now, writing this blog entry. Maybe because I feel rejuvenated, gaining new insights and energy.

I also heard in a homily once that when we are sick, we should think it is a moment of grace in which we partake in the Lord’s suffering. And I heard from a popular host, Mr. Boy Abunda, on his program “The Bottom Line” while he was interviewing Bo Sanchez, that when he became sick, he realized he only had God to lean on. So very true, as we perceive our mortality and frailty as humans. In the end, our relationship with God truly matters. But while we are alive, learn to expand, learn to relax, keep it flowing.