Keep Flowing

It’s Valentines. That is why, like our heart, I entitled this entry “Keep Flowing”. Originally, I wanted to name it “Expand and Collapse” but it is not lungs day but hearts day hehe.

It has been quite a long time since I have written in my blog.

Pregnancy has kept me inside the house, so there’s not much activity though I revel in being able to read and re-read books. I keep a balance of personal development books and fiction. For personal development books, I read books of Max Lucado, Joel Osteen, the “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series, and Chinkee Tan. For fiction, I finished reading “Les Miserables”, “To Kill A Hummingbird” and “The Hunger Games” trilogy. So pretty good, I may say, as I have missed reading books especially fiction. I also read a book (a textbook of my husband, actually) on pregnancy and childcare. Though the child birth part has made me stressed a bit due to the details, so I skipped that one.

Being pregnant has made me ever aware of my capacities and limitations. I am blessed that my husband allowed me to stay at home and not work during this time. My first trimester was quite difficult with me not being able to eat most food. I do not throw up (save for two to three times) but I have no appetite for most anything, thus I lost a lot of weight and had no energy to do things even the simplest chores. I practically slept most of the day.

For second trimester, I felt better, I was able to go out again -- met with friends, run a few errands like paperwork, go to the market or bank by myself, go on dates with my husband. I also enjoyed cooking at home, trying out different dishes, mostly pasta, and chicken dishes since I try to avoid pork and beef nowadays, with exception during Christmas time with all those gatherings. Speaking of Christmas, we celebrated our first Christmas as a couple with our families, attended the family reunion on my side, and attended a wedding, so it was really fun!

Now on my third trimester, I experienced back pains and recently had minimal spotting. As I have observed, the spotting happened after I go out of the house. We did go buy stuff for the baby, and met a few friends. So the doctor gave me medication and advised me to have bed rest. It was a bit boring, and the medicine again made me sleepy. Also, no cooking for almost two weeks, and that made me a bit sad, not being able to serve my husband. But it was necessary for the good of the baby, so I rested. She (yes, a baby girl!) will be coming out in a month or less, so we are excited!

This whole experience made me realize that we should be flexible enough. Expanding when we need to, “collapsing” or relaxing when needed. Just do what is necessary but keep flowing.

“Expanding our capacity” is a term I got from a prayer book called “Miracle Hour” by Linda Schuller. In the prayer, it asks the Holy Spirit to expand our capacity – in doing, in loving. Sometimes it’s our own mental limitations that keep us from doing things. But if we pray for it, and we believe we can do more with the help of God, we really can! I experienced that too when I was called to church leadership a few years back. I was afraid. But since I prayed for it, and God gave me a go signal (through a Bible verse), I was able to do it, and I truly learned from that experience. Same now, I did my best to do as much during my second trimester, running errands and doing chores.

Collapsing or relaxing, allowing ourselves to just rest when needs be is also needed, especially when our bodies gives us signals. I used to hate being sick, still do a bit, but I learned to accept that ample rest always work. In fact, when I allow myself to rest, I noticed I usually make it up by doing things I usually procrastinate about. Like now, writing this blog entry. Maybe because I feel rejuvenated, gaining new insights and energy.

I also heard in a homily once that when we are sick, we should think it is a moment of grace in which we partake in the Lord’s suffering. And I heard from a popular host, Mr. Boy Abunda, on his program “The Bottom Line” while he was interviewing Bo Sanchez, that when he became sick, he realized he only had God to lean on. So very true, as we perceive our mortality and frailty as humans. In the end, our relationship with God truly matters. But while we are alive, learn to expand, learn to relax, keep it flowing.

Back to Basics

Health

I have abandoned this blog for a few months. I have a good reason. I became pregnant!
It was unexpected, and truthfully I wanted to wait a year or two, but this is a blessing! So yes, we are embracing (yet another!) chapter in our life, getting ready to be parents. I am learning, feeling more about this growing child inside of me.
My first trimester was not at all easy. On my second and third month, I could not eat. I hated most foods, including chocolate. I would vomit at times, at night. I ate only about 1/4 or less of the portion of my usual serving.
So I grew really thin, and I slept almost everyday.
But thank God, I have recovered on the third and fourth month, and still growing healthy.

During that first trimester, I felt so helpless, I felt afraid. I could not really do much, not even go outside to buy food.
So I resolved to just keep my focus on keeping myself healthy.
Focusing on the basics on health for me has two basic components: Rest and Eat.

I needed to rest, to sleep, because I was feeling so weak. Sometimes I overdo it, but in fact I need to eat. Not just anything but a balance of protein and carbohydrates. I also needed to load up on healthy food - mostly fruits and vegetables, and milk.
I could also add exercise, but during that time, I had very little energy.


Married life
I dabbled a bit on my adjustment in married life on my last entry.
Married life is wonderful, enjoying each other's company, doing chores together, watching movies together. But it is not all that rosy.
There comes a time when you or your spouse does something or says something that the other does not understand. This usually spurs from your differences in house rules and traditions while growing up.

The things I have learned is communication.

 First is the communication, not yet with your spouse, but with God. The personal relationship you built with God is still very much key in married life.
You pray about your grievances, ask for wisdom, resolve your issues by the leading of the Holy Spirit.
It also helps to seek advice from persons you respect with Godly character. But do not do this if your only intention is to find someone to side with you. This person should also be discreet enough, not to spread your marital problems. Best to talk to someone who is neutral, so better not a family member.

Of course, communicating with your spouse is most important. I have learned from the book "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner that we should not use the words "Always" and "Never". And we should state from our point of view rather than blame. Example, do not say "You always leave the door open". You should state how you feel or think instead, say "When you leave the door open, I feel that you are compromising our safety."


Food


The good thing about having your own place is learning how to manage the household. The bulk of which really is preparing food.
I now understand why mothers say it is the one of the hardest things because the food rotation has to be balanced enough, so no food should be repeated much that you get tired of eating it.

In doing the grocery shopping, I noticed there are staple food on the list. This includes: bread, egg, rice and fruit. Next are the ingredients onion, salt, garlic, then vegetables and meat.

I tried to learned how to cook before getting married, so the baking cooking skills of frying, boiling, sauteing, came in handy.
I recommend everyone to learn how to cook, as it is truly a basic life skill.



Love and Forgiveness

Being someone who prays novenas, I became drawn to the two most iconic personas of Jesus, found in  the Divine Mercy and Sacred Heart of Jesus.
My home parish is named Sacred Heart of Jesus, and it is also where I was baptized, so I think I have a deep connection to it.
As for the Divine Mercy, I always hear the prayer on a TV station at 3 o'clock. But it is truly when I prayed the Divine Mercy prayer, I realized it should be prayed because we all need forgiveness and mercy.
In our personal prayers, the time spent on saying penance is very minimal, yet we sin in thoughts, words and deeds. And we are alive because of the Divine forgiveness of God.
I realized that love and forgiveness goes hand in hand.
During my wedding reception, my sister shared in her speech that marriage is 50% forgiveness. How true. For none of us are perfect, that we should speak and act with forgiveness. It is easier said than done. But it can be done, with God's grace.

Post-Wedding Thoughts; Faith and Action;

Suppose there are brothers or sisters who need clothes and don't have enough to eat. 16 What good is there in your saying to them, “God bless you! Keep warm and eat well!”—if you don't give them the necessities of life? 17 So it is with faith: if it is alone and includes no actions, then it is dead. - James 2:15-17 (Good News Translation)

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Faith should go hand in hand with work. That is the lesson from the verse above.

As a new wife, I am overwhelmed with the things I have to do and the things I want to do. We now rent a unit, so being by ourselves as a couple, we have to divide the chores. At the same time, I am transitioning from old habits (and hobbies) to my new married life. Sometimes, I feel so guilty if I oversleep. But I am happy especially if I am able to cook for my husband. 

In this new chapter of my life, so as with the past chapters, there are many ideals. But the key is pressing forward, adjusting, just acting with faith! There is no perfect thing. As Bro Bo Sanchez discussed in one of his preachings, steps in action include making a mess. It is the same concept as discussed in "Failing Forward" by John C. Maxwell, wherein we allow ourselves to fail fast, in order to learn quickly because each failure is a step to success. 

I am currently reading a good book, bought by my husband, entitled, "Unstoppable" by Nick Vujicic. It is an inspiring book because first, Nick Vujicic has no arms and legs, and yet he has managed to use his talent in public speaking to inspire other people. He can also swim, surf, and he has his own company that sells his inspirational books and DVDs. Included are the book are stories of other people he has met, with inspiring stories themselves.
This book has allowed me to renew my faith in myself, but most importantly, the faith in God's will for my life. That wherever God leads me, He sees it through, helping me to overcome challenges along the way.

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I felt it before, and I felt it even more in our wedding planning. What I felt is God's hand working through my life. So I truly believe if something is meant for you and you work on it hard enough, that God's graces will fall into place and make it happen.

During our wedding planning, it was difficult as first because I was in Australia and my fiance was in the Philippines. But surprisingly, we agreed easily on things like our wedding color motif, wedding dress and coat design. When I came back to work on the details, we were easily able to find our church, reception location, and other suppliers. And the wedding suppliers we talked to were agreeable and some even gave discounts. God is truly amazing! 

Our wedding day was a joyful celebration - our labor of love. We of course thank our families and friends for their help in the preparations. But in most of it, even if some unexpected problems came up - like the music did not play in the laptop but the pianist knew how to play the songs - I consider them miracles. God's grace was working in what we acted upon.

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Spent the night at my parent's house today to be able to bond with them and my sister over the weekend. 
My mom now knows how to use an Android tablet and she is into a game called "Flow Free".

This game entails connecting dots of the same color. On the Android app, there is one bridge or flyover where two colors can intersect.
I am happy because this would help in my mom's brain exercise. I used to buy her Word Search books and even taught her Sudoku.
I played Flow Free game with her, alternating puzzle solving per level. She is good at it! I am getting addicted to it to, as it reminds me of one of the games I played before, included in Windows, named "Pipe Dream" where you re-arrange pipes to let water flow from one side to another.

While playing this game, I usually think of a strategy first so I can connect the colors. But while thinking is good, I have to try it out to see if my planned route is correct. This is so similar to life where we usually think of many things to do, but eventually we have to do, otherwise it just remains a plan. We cannot go a level higher if we do not first finish something in mind. 
But unlike in the game, in life we can choose to let go of some plans especially if these are no longer relevant to our present situation.

Faith, action, letting go - three facts of life we learn, re-learn and renew.

Humility and Sacrifice

"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are." -- Mother Teresa

Humility as I realised is a process.

The world now is "me" focused. People constantly take selfies, are concerned about the latest gadgets, restaurants, the next travel destination.

Loving yourself is not bad, but we should always give time for others. This is not always easy, but when we do, is it something that gives joy to our hearts.

I re-read one of my favorite books, Tuesdays with Morrie. This copy was autographed by Mitch Albom. Many thanks to my special someone who took time to line up for the autograph signing in Makati City, and also bought the book "The First Phone Call from Heaven" as a pre-requisite for the autograph signing event.

In the book, Morrie said that giving advice to others made him feel alive even if he was dying. Giving a part of ourself to others leaves a part of us to them, so even if we are gone, our memory stays with others. Truly a way to be alive.

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Humility is also exercised in forgiveness.

For sometime, I was wondering what made me so hateful about certain acts. Some of these acts counteract our inner "values" or some that we perceive as "unforgivable".

While it is true that people make mistakes that we find very loathful, there should be no act that is unforgivable for us. Because God himself forgives.

Though we should hold values and disciplines for ourselves, we simply cannot impose them on other people. We could only explain to them however, how we feel when they do certain things, but complying is up to them.

I also discovered that we should also forgive ourselves for too much expectation of other people and also of ourselves. When we expect too much of others, it is as if we see them as gods. While we expect others to be responsible of their action, no one is perfect and no one can completely comply with ideals. Even with ourselves, when we expect ourselves to act a certain way always, we will fall short.

Lately I have been disappointed with myself for waking up late. But upon examining myself, I am doing my best to do things everyday, so that is what makes me tired. Waking up late is a by-product of my tiredness, and does not mean I am lazy. So I am more forgiving of myself and tell myself to do better tomorrow.

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Sacrifice is giving of one's self so another/ others may have more.

Yesterday, April 9, is Bataan Day or "Araw ng Kagitingan" (Day of Heroism). It celebrates the heroism of World War II soldiers, Filipinos and Americans, who walked the Death March in Bataan. They had to walk several miles in summer heat, and many were killed.

If not for these soldiers, we would never have had our independence.

Now, in many parts of the world, there are battles happening and many are killed. Let us pray for those who fight so others may live. And may those battles end, so people can live peacefully.

Next week is Holy Week. For us who embrace Christianity, the one true sacrifice that saved mankind is that of Jesus Christ. He embraced death so all with be absolved of their sins.

We thank God the Father for making that ultimate sacrifice of giving His Son, and His Son for doing the will of His Father, so all may live.

Month of love, month of birth

February is a special month for me because it is my birth month!

Of course it is also the "love month", as Valentine's Day is celebrated on this same month. When the new year comes, I always look forward to February.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I consider my birthday as my new year, when I reflect on the year that was, and anticipate another good year ahead.

This looking forward lets me ask God to make February a great month. And it has been, so far! I have been relaxed, and good things has happened, at work and in my personal life. I feel more productive.

As it is stated in the Bible, "For this reason I tell you, whatever you pray and ask for, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours" Mark 11:24

It takes for us to ask and to believe we have received it, to make it a reality.

Humility tempered with faith are the key ingredients to getting what we pray for. Humility in asking it from God. Knowing that God is a god who provides all our needs.  Faith - trusting God to work His ways and in His time. This too requires patience, but in the end it is all worth it.

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As I look back to the year that was, I am truly blessed.

2013 has been a year of struggling with me migrating to a foreign land, yet it has brought me so much closer to God. And in knowing God, I also came to know myself better.

For a long time, I really have been wondering and aching for independence. Not that I am not free. But like majority of Filipino children, especially those living in the city, I stayed at my parent's house even after college. It is more practical that way. And way so much easier, not minding what is for breakfast, lunch or dinner, as mom usually takes care of it. Or not worrying if the clothes are not ironed as mom is there, or a house helper can be hired to do the work. Financially, since the parents are there, a minimum contribution is fine, if given at all, for household expenses. It is a privileged life really, but sadly, one that does not teach much responsibility.

So off I go, and I had a lot to learn, from having to wake up really early to catch the bus, to planning my meals (though I was still blessed as many times prepared meals are shared with me), laundry, cleaning. But more than the chores, I learned to know my emotions, what made me sad, laugh, cry, excited. I had to be in control, as I was among a new group of people who are not familiar with my ways, and so was I with theirs. I had to learn to adjust, with cultures, with seasons. It was not an easy path, but it taught me so much. Enough to bring with me for the years to come.

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LOVE. Who could resist it?

One day, as I was reading the Bible, this verse struck me and I knew that moment, it described the BEST KIND OF LOVE.

"For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
    his faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalm 100:5

It is the kind of love that lasts forever, going on and on, defying space and time.

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Birthdays means getting old.

Some people become so sensitive with age, they do not want to think about it. Thus, they say "I do not celebrate my birthday anymore, because I have received a certain age...".

As for me, yeah, my age have reached past the calendar days.

Who knows, sometime in the future, I would also not mind the years coming. But then again, I like celebrating it so probably not.
Age should come with wisdom is my belief, so I try to learn more and apply more of it to become truly wise. But being only human, I fail at that at times too.

So birthdays do not become something anticipated. People even try to ignore it.

I think it is comparable to us ignoring the second coming of Christ. We ignore it by sinning, but in reality, it will come, like a thief in the night.
It is time we become more prepared, and start living a righteous kind of life.

A Sunny New Year

January is always full of hope, of possibilities. A new year has come, 2014. Many people create resolutions, try to keep them. We make plans, we dream.
I do not really make new year's resolutions. January is not the "new year" for me, but falls on February, on my birthday. Well, that's me.
But HOPE. We all need it. Something to aspire, something to look forward to. A reason to live. A look for that horizon to set sail on.

"Be joyful in hope, faithful in affliction, faithful in prayer" - Romans 12:12

The verse above is one of my favorite verses ever. It teaches us what to do in every moment of our lives. Having hope gives us something to be joyful about. In times of trials, we hold on to our faith, and everytime we should be prayerful.
I do hope for a better 2014 for myself, my family, my relationships. Betterment not just in financial blessings, but good health, a joyful mindset and to traverse through life with unwavering faith amidst the challenges.

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New Year is winter is most part of the world, but in Australia, it's summer :)
It is so different from my home country, the place I was born as it is a tropical country so we had summer all year round. Summer is equated to sweat, so it's not much appreciated, unless you go to the beach. Also, people don't want to get darker complexion so they try to avoid the sun.
But like they say, you only appreciate a thing once you lose it. And last winter, I had bouts of winter gloom and actually missed summer. Now, I do appreciate the sun and its warmth. It makes me feel so alive. Though too much of it is also bad. Some days are really bad when the temperature reaches 38 to 40 degrees Celsius and the air is so dry. I almost can't breathe. That was in late December to early January.
Thankfully, the last few weeks, it has been drizzling so it's neither too hot nor too cold.
This taught me to appreciate the weather and to adjust whatever the weather may be. So in life, appreciation and adjustment are musts.

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January is also the time for Australian Open. I am a frustrated athlete, so instead I became a sports fan. One of the games I love to watch is tennis. I think it's actually the best sport to learn perseverance. Getting one point is tedious, more so winning a set.
Last night, I watched a game and they had 10 deuce! 18 minutes of play just to get a point.
I have a big respect for tennis player because it takes both physical and mental endurance to win a game. And since it is an individual sport, no one can substitute the player. Either he finishes the match or end it prematurely due to injury.
Let us learn from tennis players who battle it out. Even if we lose a set, there is still a chance to win. After all it is a best of three or best of five sets. So we just do our best in life.
God gave us the gifts of perseverance through the Holy Spirit. If we are lacking, we can always pray for this particular gift of the Holy Spirit.
It is another year to persevere, to fulfill our dreams, to be the best we can be!

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Christmas in our hearts

Merry Christmas!
It is a special Christmas for me because it is the first time for me to celebrate it in another country, outside my motherland. It also means celebrating it without my family. But I do have relatives here in the land down under so no need to be sad.
In previous years, Christmas was usually busy with my family as godchildren and relatives go to our place to ask for presents or money. So it is the time to share blessings.

However, I am not happy that Christmas has become commercialised. All the Christmas shopping and scrambling for discounts. It is usually traffic in my hometown, so that is what I do not like.

Where I am now, it is quiet, there are still Christmas decorations and shopping but not as much. Or maybe because there are less people here.

Since there is no Christmas rush here, I reflected on what Christmas truly represents and I came up with three : Love, Reflection and Oneness with Christ.

"Give love on Christmas day" is the popular line from the song. Yes, we get to share our love by spending time with family and friends and giving gifts. Time and gifts are two love languages according to Dr. Gary Chapman's popular book "The Five Love Languages". Let us not be too absorbed on giving the best presents, as our presence is really the best gift, and let us not forget to give appreciation and affirmation, a hug (physical touch), and to serve our loved ones in order to complete the love languages.

Reflection during Christmas for me is to think of the blessings of God, since this was the time the best blessing was given : the Saviour. Although Easter is the bigger celebration because of the resurrection, there would have been no Saviour if the roles of father (Joseph) and mother (Mary) were not filled. By sending a baby instead of a grown man, God teaches us patience. He really wanted to be with us.
And since Christmas is just a week away from New Year, it is the time to reflect on the year that is about to end and to be hopeful for the coming year.

Immanuel, meaning God with us, was the name given to Jesus. He became flesh, lived amongst us, experienced joys and sorrows. Whenever we feel hopeless, we can always remember how Jesus was dejected, despised, crucified, so we know He experienced our sorrows and more. But with Christmas we should also remember a new birth means hope, and how Jesus was loved by Joseph and Mary, how the three Kings traveled to see the Messiah, how the angels and shepherd glorified the King. Christmas represented Majesty with humility through the manger.

Each Christmas is special. It is the day of the King, shared with us.